she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
