just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
