I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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