I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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