Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
