cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
