She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
