Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
