walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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