dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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