Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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