8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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