I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
