I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
