Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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