is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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