Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
