bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
