I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
