First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
