Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
