That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
