who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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