I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize