what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
