ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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