Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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