It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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