Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
