My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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