you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
