There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I need a beard to bite.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
