this beer tastes like vomit already
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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