Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
