Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize