what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
this hospital has no fireball
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
