...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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