Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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