Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
