i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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