Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
don't judge my taste in strippers
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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