i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
