I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize