Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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