i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
