i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
