His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
