Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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