Please, let me fuck your mom
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have grass duct taped all over my body
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
