I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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