It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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