Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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