I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
