How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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