Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
