ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
