Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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