you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
