Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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