I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
