gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
