i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
