jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
