best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
