you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
