It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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