I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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