Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
