I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
