when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
