OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it hurts more in the daytime
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
