dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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