i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
