i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When are your genitals available?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
