Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
how drunk are you?
Several
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
