between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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