He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize