did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
