i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
