I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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