I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
