the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
