wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
